Laura's Random Ramblings

My girls are growing up so quickly

2009-02-04T10:44:00.003-05:00

I have done a terrible job keeping track of my girls milestones, but my New Year's resolution is to do better. So here we go.

Josie is now rolling from front to back and back to front as well as starting to scoot. She is a very happy baby most of the time. Recently she started showing some signs that she may be ready for some solids. She went from sleeping through the night to waking 3-4 times a night and nursing for 30 minutes at a time. She is fixated on us when we eat and she has lost her tongue thrust reflex. So we tried her on some sweet potatos... Not good. She didn't nurse a whole lot that night but she woke quite often with the stinkiest toots. The next night we passed on the solids and we were back to waking to nurse 3-4 times a night. So we tried some carrots and success. (Happy grin) She did great only waking up twice twice, and no gas. I gave her carrots again last night and she did well again.

We are still cloth diapering with Josie and absolutely love it. The early potty training was going well...until... it clicked with Ava a couple days after we started, she was in the living room dancing around when she stopped tore off her diaper while running to the bathroom then proceeded to sit on the potty and tinkle. What an exciting moment for her and us as well. Since then she has gone diaperless whenever running around the house. There have been a few accidents but who wouldn't expect that with a little girl who has just turned two. However the early potty training has somewhat been put to the side since Ava really needs the attention more on that end at the moment. I just can't believe how far along she has come in just 3 weeks. This morning she poopooed then after flushing said "Bye bye poopoo". I have no idea where it came from, but it was too cute!

I plan to give Ava a few weeks so that the novelty wares off a bit, then starting the early potty training again by the time Josie is 6 months.

Josie pp'd in the potty today on her four month birthday

2009-01-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

Back in June I joined The Greenville Attachment Parenting Playgroup on Meetup.com. Since then I have met the most wonderful, down to earth, accepting, as well as generous mothers. Something I had desperately been searching for. Besides that these women have showed me our children are only capable of what we allow them to be capable of.

Yesterday I went to the monthly cloth diaper meeting. This week was a little less cloth diapering and more early potty training or elimination communication. We watched a 30 minute movie called the Potty Project. They made it seem so simple. The idea is to put baby over the potty for five minutes at a time or until she tinkles or poos then praising her so that it becomes a positive experience that she wants to repeat.

So I tried it and I shouldn't have been surprised but it worked. Josie tinkled right away and did it again and again. She has done it 4 out of 5 times and her diapers have been dry when I take them off. Now I tried with Ava and we still have a little ways to go but she is watching Josie and I think it is starting to click.

Loss and Blessings

2009-01-08T14:15:00.003-05:00

I was trying to comfort someone through a loss recently. She is a friend of a friend, so she didn't fully understand my losses. My friend had no experience in the matter and sent her to me thinking I could help. After sharing with her and doing the best I could to relieve some of her anguish I decided to put my experience into words. It was by far the hardest loss I had ever experienced and I didn't know if I would even be able to. I was very surprised to find how therapeutic it was. My hope is that other women who might be going through the same thing may feel a little less alone in such a lonely time.
In 2005 after 6yrs of marriage and trying to concieve unsuccessfully I was blessed to find a Dr. who actually listened to me. I was diagnosed with Insulin Resistant PCOS. I started a strict low carb diet and Metformin, I was able to lose 20 lbs without really even trying and for the 1st time in a long time I was able to walk more than a few feet without feeling like my knees were going to buckle under my own weight. Once I was able to exercise the weight came off like crazy. I lost 100lbs but we still weren't pregnant, so on to Clomid, an ovulation stimulant. I started it in October 2005, 3 cycles at 50mg but nothing. We went to 100mg and on Valentines day 2006, I was shocked when I got my first positive pregnancy test, ever.
I was so excited, the first thing I did was call my Doctor's office. That's when I was told for the first time they could no longer treat me as they didn't take OB patients with my insurance.I was so upset because I know how hard it is to find a Doctor that gives a damn, but what else could I do? I found a large Ob/Gyn that took my insurance, and they were highly recommended. They did all the normal expensive blood work, had me come in to talk about how I would pay them, but wouldn't allow me see a Dr. Not until I was 14 weeks anyway, even with all the problems I had just getting pregnant. Hindsight is 20/20, had I known then what I know now, I would have demanded I see a Dr. immediately.
At about 9.5 weeks I got very sad, no explanation, but I felt something was wrong. My mom asked me to come up and see them, thinking it might cheer me up. They live about an hour from here. On my way up I had this ominous feeling come over me. I couldn't explain it, but I just had this feeling and it wouldn't go away. When I got to my Mom's she had a surprise she was putting a stroller together for me. I put my feelings aside and helped her finish putting it together. We finished about 20 minutes after I got there. When I stood up I thought I had peed myself, as I felt warm fluid run down my legs.I went to the bathroom and that's when everythiing changed.
I was bleeding bright red. I screamed for my mom as I sat there on the toilet and felt something drop out of me. When I stood up and looked I saw my baby. In that moment I knew utter devistation. My mom scooped my little one into a container and my parents got me into their car and we sped to the hospital. I was bleeding pretty heavily and blacking out every few minutes.
When we got to the ER the Dr. on call, not an OB, looked in the container and solemly confirmed what we thought. That we had miscarried. They called the on-call OB. (Who turned out to be our amazing home waterbirth Dr. David Hayes, but that's another post) When he arrived an ultrasound was ordered to make sure everything was gone so we wouldn't have to do a D&C. Shockingly during the U/S there was a baby alive and moving around with a healthy heartbeat. I didn't even know I had been pregnant with twins. Unfortunately, they also found alot of blood in the uterus.
Baby 2 made it another 24hrs and I was able to see my little one one more time on an U/S an hour before my body betrayed me and expelled our little one. My Dr. told me he recommended a D&C, so that physically I wouldn't have to deal with the M/C as long. That's what I did.
Besides the physical pain, I was an emotional wreck for weeks. I would wake up in the middle of the night and for a split second it wouldn't seem real but then reality would overwhelm me and I would feel so empty. My poor husband woke up many times to me sobbing in the middle of the night. I would do so well, consiously forgetting the loss so I could make it through the day. Then my breasts would ache or my uterus would contract and then a flood of hormones, sadness and tears would follow.
I was in school for massage therapy at the time and I couldn't make it through the day without an emotional breakdown. It didn't help that there were two other students that were pregnant at the time. I was eventually asked to take a leave as I was a distraction to the other students. We compromised and I moved into a night class, I only had 2 months left and I somehow made it.
We started trying again as soon as the next cycle arrived. Another round of 100mg Clomid and amazingly another positive home pregnancy test. This time I wasn't ecstatic I was petrified would God really give me something so special only to take it away again. I tested positive 2 days before graduation. Which worked out well since I was so worried about losing this little one. I am not exaggerating here, I literally sat on my couch for 5 months afraid to move or sneeze.
January 24th, 2007 we had an all natural waterbirth and our little blessing Ava was born with the help of Dr. Hayes. When Ava was 6 months we decided to try again just in case it took us another 6 years. We actually got pregnant rather quickly this time.
September 24th, 2007 I got my 3rd Positive pregnancy test, but sadly started spotting a week later, all pregnancy symptoms dissappeared and after a beta another M/C was confirmed. This time was much easier both physically and emotionally. I don't know if it is because I didn't have the fear of never knowing motherhood in the back of my mind or that the pregnancy never really took which meant less changes to have to deal with. Either way it was easier to deal with, but in retrospect still a loss, and I still shed tears for what may have been.
We started trying again right away and January 4th, 2008 we got our second "sticky BFP". That's what every woman who has ever visited a website for infertility/pregnancy loss is hoping for. A Big Fat Postive that turns into a baby that "sticks". Well this sticky baby turned into Josie, our second home water birth assisted by Dr. Hayes.
Life in itself is such a curious thing though, I remember those little ones lost and I mourn them, sometimes at the most random of moents. However I remind myself, had those spirits not moved on and made room in my womb. I would not have these two blessings, for which I can't imagine life without...

I hope this helps anyone who is or has gone through this , I truly know the pain you are feeling right now it is unexplainable and overwhelming, but I can say it get's easier. You will never forget your little one, it doesn't matter if you give birth to a live baby or lose them in utero, you are still a mom and have all the emotions that go along with it. Including the unbelievable pain of losing your child too soon.

Josie’s Birth at the Cabin

2008-09-25T12:05:00.002-04:00

Here is Josie's birth story as I remember it. My friend Joy is 24 weeks and also planning to have a water birth. She drove up for the birth and posted on her blog about it, it was so interesting to read her version I decided to include her account as well… Sunday September 14th, my due date, I was starting to think I would never go into labor. With Ava I felt like I was going into labor every day for 2 weeks. I expected the same thing to happen this time but I would pretty much have one or two good contractions a day. That evening I started having some pretty intense contractions, much more painful than any up to that point. So I called my mom and told her if I woke up with them, we would be heading towards the cabin which is conveniently within 5 walking minutes from my parents home.

We went to bed and about 2:00am I was awoken by a contraction. I got up, went to the bathroom, then tried to go back to sleep. About 3:00 I woke up with another really strong contraction and then another not long after. I got up and began timing them. At that point they were 5-8 minutes apart. I wanted to let Tim sleep as long as possible, so I went about getting things ready to go. I realized my inhaler was almost empty so I did a quick run across town to the 24 hour Walgreens. Moaning and screaming every 5 minutes. I'm sure I was quite a site moaning like a Banchee at the red light. Not to mention the pharmacist wanted to call an ambulance for me and then thought I was absolutely certifiable when I told her I wasn't going to the hospital anyways.

I got back to the house and about 4:00 I had a contraction that I couln’t keep quiet through. That's when Tim got up. We finished packing and when Ava woke up we left for the cabin, stopping for some MacDonalds on the way. We arrived at my parents about 9:00am, at that point contractions were coming 4-6 minutes apart. My mom came with us down to the cabin. She was supposed to be helping to watch Ava but really she watched Tim watch Ava. Tim brought everything in and started organizing and setting things up while I made brownies and miso soup in-between contractions.

About 1:30pm my contractions were getting very strong, we couldn’t set the pool up with Ava there, so my mom took her over to their house to wait for her little sister to arrive. After they left I decided I wanted to get into the pool, not only for pain relief but I felt I needed a bit of a break and some rest before the last stretch. My Dr. showed up a little later around 2:30, when he checked me I was 4cm and 50% effaced. He encouraged me to get out of the pool and move around, which I did.

That’s when things started to progress or so I thought. Two hours later after walking to my parents and back and rolling on my ball I was just feeling more tired and when David checked again I had not progressed at all. My Dr. went to check on another patient who had given birth at 8:00 that morning and said he would be back in a couple of hours. So it was just Tim and I left there. I was so tired and I needed some rest so I got back into the pool to ride out the contractions then I would try to sleep in between them.

My friend showed up after about an hour, and then my Dr. arrived back at the cabin. The rest and relaxation had helped, I had progressed to 6cm & 80% effacement. Here is my friends account of what happened from there…

“So I was able to make it to my friends, home-water birth monday night. She started having steady contractions late Sunday night/early Monday morning so they packed everything up and headed to the cabin where they would be having the baby. Before the contractions really started she was only 2 cm dilated and she knew she wasn’t really progressing quickly enough for me to rush up there. After work I headed up to the cabin and when I got there around 7: 40ish, the last time the doctor had checked her, 5:40ish she was 4 cm with 50% effacement. The doctor arrived back at the cabin shortly after me and checked her again – 6.5 cm with 80% effacement! Wonderful progress. She was doing great riding out the contracts in her birthing pool, with candles and soft music playing. I kind of felt like a bump on a log as we quietly waited for each contraction to come and go. She sat in her pool, looked at her tummy and said, “Ok this is how this is going to happen; I am going to dilate 1cm every 30 minutes until I get to 10! Then you’re coming out Josie!!” We all chuckled and hoped for quick dilation since she was beginning to have terrible back pain from transition. She said she could feel Josie’s head on her butt and that was putting tons of pressure on her tail bone. Things seemed to really kick in around 8:30 when the doctor checked her and confirmed she had progressed to a ’stretchy’ 8 cm with full effacement. She was dilating at the rate she wanted, but she was beginning to have the urge to push. Her doctor checked her again and it was a little too early to push. By 9:15 she was 10 cm, but her membranes hadn’t ruptured yet, after the doctor ruptured her membranes Josie was out at 9:45 p.m. It was the most intense, yet amazing experience I’ve ever witnessed. I am so thankful that she let me be a part of it all. Josie even breastfed like a champ and tipped the scales at 7 lbs. 8 oz. She appeared smaller than her big sister, but actually weighed more than Ava did at birth. I’m looking forward to my own water birth and hoping that my friend will be operating the camera at mine like I was at hers.”

She left out just a few things though…After Ava went to sleep my mom came down to be there for the birth. She wouldn’t stop talking during the contractions even though I asked her nicely three different times not to. Finally during one rather painful contraction I yelled at her to “SHUTUP”. I feel horrible for that, but I have decided at our next birth it will be known there is no talking allowed during contractions! Tim caught little Josie but then almost let go of her because the vernix really freaked him out. Ava came out perfectly clean and therefor he was not prepared what so ever to deal with anything icky. My favorite part is that I cut the chord this time.

Little Josiphine Paige Curry was born at 9:45pm 9/15/08 weighing 7 pounds 8 ounces and 21 inches long. She was checked and weighed and loved on then everyone was gone from the cabin by 10:45/11. Tim was able to get Ava to sleep rather quickly and it was just the three of us left to get to know eachother. We stayed up until about 1:00am just looking at her then we all had an amazing sleep. It was exactly the birth experience we had wanted and hoped for.

35 Weeks ~ Josie’s Shower

2008-08-10T10:20:00.000-04:00

My dear friend Sarah threw me a shower yesterday, we only invited my 5 closest friends and my Mom. By chance all of my friends had major things going on, one was in another state, one was in the middle of moving, my mom had to go the hospital for a blood clot in her foot yesterday morning, and one is taking care of her MIL who had surgery on Friday.So I had one friend show up and my friend who threw it. Up until I got there I was pretty depressed about the whole situation, but my two friends made it a wonderfully memorable afternoon.
1st we made matching shirts for Ava and Josie while sipping on a tastey iced-tea sweetened with splenda just for me, then we ate some wonderful fruit salad and cheese and crackers. Then I opened some presents and I'll tell you those two girls went all out. I got a My Brest Friend pillow, which I wanted so badly. Some extra large breast sheilds, LOL. 3 of the cutest outfits and 2 of the softest prettiest blankets. Then we had some chocolate peanut butter cheesecake, mmmmmmmm, so good!

This is the table, it was so pretty. The bottles have bath salts in them, which I can't wait to use

Joy getting ready to make puffy paint shirts

Ava and Noah, wearing Noah's boots

The shirts Joy made

The shirt i made for Ava

The shirt that I made for Josie

The cute shirts Sarah made for Josie and Ava

33 Weeks all is very well :)

2008-07-28T19:07:00.000-04:00

We just got back from our 33 week appt. and everything is looking really good. I have been having rather painful cramps, but I think it is just because the little one likes to stretch out in there sideways. We got an ultrasound just to see how the little one was situated and I was right completely transverse. Butt on the right and head on the left, while he was doing the ultrasound he somewhat caoxed her head down into a more favorable position, however I htink she went right back as soon as we left because I feel her butt stretching out my right side again. Little Booger!
We have FINALLY chosen a first name and we have been calling her by it for some time now so I feel a little better about sharing it. This little one will be called Josie, short for Josiphine. It's the only one that has truly fit, and we are very happy with it.

27Weeks ~ Back to square one on Baby’s name

2008-06-19T14:55:00.000-04:00

June 19, 2008
Well the social security's list of names for 2007 came out not too long ago and Isabella was 2 on the list. We had said we definitely didn't want a really common name so Isabella is out, sadly. We really wanted to use the name Ann after my mom and Tim became partial to the name Ryan. So we have combined the names and are definitely using Ryann. However I would love some oppinions in our name poll if anyone is interested, just click on the link below…http://www.pollpub.com/help-us-pick-our-new-baby-girls-name.aspx

25 weeks ~ An unplanned trip to Labor and Delivery

2008-06-03T10:24:00.000-04:00

I have been terrible about updating. Time just seems to pass me by some days. I guess it's because I am busy with a 16 month old. This is definitely the most wonderfully tiring job I have ever had.
Ava got her first stomach virus last week and I hope her last. Poor thing. She woke up last Sunday night throwing up and it continued for about 4 days. She finally kept everything she consumed down Saturday. Then I got it and man was it wicked.
Saturday night I started feeling nauseaus and once it started it didn't seem like it was going to stop. I knew I was getting dehydrated by 3:00am Sunday morning because I started having contractions. So we decided I should go to the hospital. Tim stayed home so we wouldn't have to wake up Ava, but when I got to Labor and Delivery they wouldn't give me anything, not even fluids, because I was alone. So I called my dear friend Tia, who was just great. She took better care of me than the nurses for the most part. After a ton of fluid and anti-nausea medicine I was sent home. I didn't get sick again but I felt like I had been hit by a car and the major dehydration brought on a major headache that I am still somewhat fighting.
Yesterday we had our regular prenatal appt. We were'nt expecting to get an U/S but Dr. Hayes offered so ofcourse we took him up on it. Especially with everything my body and baby had been through this past weekend. We got to see that everything was OK and that she is still quite a she. She is breech right now but it is still early so nothing to worry about yet. The Placenta is far out of the way and she was moving like crazy. Overall it was a wonderful appt.
Since we got confirmation that we are indeed still having a girl we have finally picked out a name...
I was not expecting to have another shower with this one, mostly because it is such an iffy subject, etiquette wise. However my dear friend Sarah has offered to throw one for me at her house. I can't tell you how touched I was. Not to mention I would hate for Isabella to think we celebrated her coming any less than we did Ava's. After all we have been through, I feel like all of our children are amazing blessings and it just feels right to celebrate their existance.
Well gotta go do mommy stuff, I will try to be better about updates.

17 Weeks ~ Little One Might Be a..........................

2008-04-10T06:42:00.002-04:00

We don’t know for sure because we could'nt get the best look. From what we did see the Doctor said it looked very "vaginaish". So we won’t need any clothes, and Ava’s room can remain purple for now.
We didn’t have an appointment scheduled until next Monday but, for some reason about a week ago, I started worrying something was wrong. No real reason other than I hadn’t felt much movement lately. Which, I know, at this point means nothing, but the pregnancy OCD got to me. I have a really great Dr. so I decided to take advantage of that and get some peace of mind, so off we went.
I was so worried I would go in there and find something terrible had happened to our little one. Thank god as far as we could see everything seemed fine. There was a wonderful little heartbeat, 2 hands and 10 fingers, proportionate stomache to head, maybe just a little small. Other than that pretty much perfect

4 months/16 weeks

2008-04-03T06:46:00.002-04:00

So far so good, just growing. I have decided to pick up my exercise again. It’s not that I haven’t been exercising but I definitely slacked off in the 1st Trimester, I just felt so crummy I couldn’t get motivated to get out everyday. So far this week I have made sure to get out everyday and I am feeling so much better. I was so out of shape when Ava arrived and I am determined not to let that happen again.
We find out what our little one is on April 14th and I could just about die, I am so excited. I don’t have a feeling either way but I have had a couple of people look at my belly and say I was carrying low so "a boy".

Things are looking good :) at almost 15 weeks

2008-03-19T07:49:00.001-04:00

Our appointment went very well Monday. We didn’t get to find out the sex, but the Placenta has completely moved away from the Cervix. I really want to have a natural home birth again so barring any other unforseen complications(fingers crossed), we will be getting our cabin birth.
We go back in February at 18 weeks and we will most likely get to find out what the little one is.
Ava is growing so much, every day I fall more in love with her, and in turn I can’t wait to fall in love with this one the same way. She is still too young to understand the baby thing, but we still tell her there is a baby brother or sister in mommys belly. I think she is more entertained by the fact that my belly jiggles, LOL.

13 weeks ~ Growing Bellies ~ Bye-Bye Balance

2008-03-11T07:11:00.002-04:00

13 weeks ~ here’s the progression so far:

13 weeks, Yeah! Almost out of the 1st trimester. We go back to Dr. Hayes on Monday, I can’t wait, I really start to feel a little crazy the week before my appt’s. I’m just so afraid something will happen to this little one. Cravings this week include, cocktail onions, hummus and mild pepperoncini peppers. I have felt a fish flopping a few times and I assume it’s Jr. in there.
I also had my first "toe injury" I tripped going over the child gate last night and broke my poor little "little" toe. It’s all fun from here on out.

12 weeks:)

2008-03-04T07:39:00.000-05:00

12 weeks, I can tell I am going to "pop" sooner this time, I feel huge already. On the up side, the weather is getting beautiful and the morning sickness is somewhat lightened up. So ava and I have been able to get out and do a little more. Lately we have been hitting Furman Lake and the Reedy River Falls.

2008-02-25T15:01:00.000-05:00

11 weeks and I'm craving carbs, which I really am not supposed to have. So that stinks! Why can't I crave meats and cheese? Instead the thought of meat or cheese right now just makes me sick. I have been much more sick this pregnancy than I was with Ava, but sporadically. I had one really bad week where I was sick 24 hours a day, but I think we are past that and through the worst now, I hope so anyway.

10 weeks ~ Good news and not so good news

2008-02-18T14:39:00.003-05:00

I think I will feel a little bit more comfortable with this pregnancy after today...sort of. We went to our 10 week checkup and my Dr. did a 2nd ultrasound since things were a little weird last time. We found our bean and a heartbeat right away this time, the little one was measuring 9weeks 6days so not too far off. Here is our u/s pic, if you know what your looking at, you can see a little monkey face there on the right side

The good news is, I will get an u/s at almost every appointment from now on, the bad news is it's because we have complete Placenta Previa. If you don't know exactly what that means, the placenta is fully covering the Cervix, if I were to go into labor and birth the placenta before the baby our little one would have no chance, so in that case a C-section is required. With partial Placenta previa, there is a very good chance as the Uterus grows it would move up and away from the cervix, but with complete Placenta previa the chances are lower. So for right now we are hoping and praying.

What a hangover!

2008-02-06T02:43:00.002-05:00

Uggh, soooooooooooooo Sick!!!!! This seriously reminds me of my party years, thank God I don't drink any more, puking just can't be good for you.
I do have to chuckle a little through my queasiness, though. This morning at 1:15am I woke up dreaming I was watching a "Biggest Loser" competition that involved copious amounts of disgusting food. I was actually getting sick in the dream before I woke up to feeling extremely sick. Luckily I've ridden this bull before and from 6 weeks I've had a chuck basin next to the bed which I proceeded to use. Tim wakes up to this and without flinching gets up walks out of the room and goes to the bathoom, never saying a word. Uh, hello, where's my knight in shining armor? He then went right back to bed.
I thought some saltines would help so I ate a couple and laid back down, but the hangover feeling worsened and so here I am sitting in front of the computer at 2:30am trying not to get sick. I have a feeling when I read this in the morning it's going to sound like ramblings but I figured I would record this truly amazing part of pregnancy.

8 weeks, sick as a dog, and I couldn’t be happier

2008-02-04T00:57:00.002-05:00

We made it to 8 weeks and... so far, so good. All of the expected symptoms are here, nausea being the newest and most severe so far. I have also thrown my neck out with the puking which is definitely no fun, however, I know it is all well worth it and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm still craving Chick-Filet's sugar-free lemonade, Yummmm. My tummy feels like it's stretching already. I can't wait until out next appointment so I can hear that precious heartbeat. We go back to Dr. Hayes Feb 18th at 10 weeks. I don't know if we will get another ultrasound at that time or not, ofcourse I hope we do, just to ease my mind a little. Until next time..

7 weeks update and belly shot

2008-01-27T14:25:00.003-05:00

7 weeks and the nausea is starting. Small waves every so often, but nothing major. My pants are getting tighter and my stomache is starting to grow, I think... either that or I am just bloated. This week I am craving lemonade, specifically Chick-Filet's sugar-free lemonade. I can't get enough of it.

6 weeks 1 day ~ The 1st prenatal appointment

2008-01-21T14:20:00.003-05:00

"I don't see a 6 week pregnancy here, that's for sure." That was what the Doctor finally said after looking around for what seemed like forever. Honestly, I refused to believe it and I told him to keep looking, when all of a sudden we saw a fluttering, it was hard to see the little one because of how low implantation occured. It was so hard to see that he had to check my pulse to make sure the fluttering wasn't a vein of mine, but it wasn't, it was our little bean's heartbeat!

5 weeks tomorrow

2008-01-12T17:14:00.001-05:00

We have officially made it farther than last time. Not much to report, other than really dark lines, yipee. We have the 1st ultrasound scheduled for Mon. Jan. 21st to check for a heartbeat. I can hardly wait. Ava will be one on Jan. 24th and I will be 30 on the 26th so alot to look forward to in the next couple of weeks.

Keep us in your prayers for the next nine months!

2008-01-04T14:44:00.002-05:00

Here we go again, I won't say the words! I will stay calm, not stress and be as healthy as possible. I will not ask why if it is not to be. I will rejoice if we are blessed again. I will ask for help when I need it. This one will stick, This one will stick, This one will stick.

Just something I came across "Sisterhood of Sadness"

2007-10-25T15:59:00.001-04:00

Author Unknown
"I was once a member of the Pregnancy Club, my membership card consisting of two pink lines on a stick. I was eager to pay my dues, just like all the other members. Morning sickness, stretch marks, cravings -- I welcomed them all.

But they never came. And before I knew it, my membership was revoked. No real reason -- at least none I could discern -- other than bad timing, perhaps. Or, at least, that's what everyone's been telling me. That and "God's plan."

Miscarriage is a terrible word. As if one has dropped something, or carried something incorrectly. Similar to "mistake" or "misunderstanding." How I longed for it to be either of those things when I learned my baby was gone. Surely, it was a mistake, I prayed. If they would just look again, they would learn it was all a simple misunderstanding.

But the ultrasound screen showed otherwise.

1 out of every 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, say the books. That statistic terrified me when I was pregnant. So many lost babies, I thought. How can I keep mine from being one of them? But now that mine is one of them, that 1 out of 5 seems awfully small. Or, at least, it did. Until soft-speaking female voices started whispering to me in my grief, "It happened to me, too."

Their eyes told me the stories of the pain that we shared, the pain that only a woman who has carried a child - and lost it - could know. For some, it was fresh pain. For others, it was dulled by healthy babies since born.

A sisterhood of sadness.

It's a silent group, this new club of which I have recently become a reluctant member. Our membership cards are the scars we will always carry on our hearts. Our dues are paid in blood and tears. It is a painful initiation, and one never ceases membership. Because one never forgets.

I am joining, not because I want to, but because I wasn't given the choice. But at least I know I'm not alone. At least I know there are hundreds of thousands of women with me, however silent and invisible, quietly holding my hand."

Miracle 2~ Stick baby stick!

2007-09-26T09:53:00.004-04:00

After 6 years of trying and a miscarriage we were blessed with Ava, and I couldn't be happier. I was going to try some fertility boosters again this week when aunt flow arrived, however she never showed. So I took a home pregnancy test and to my amazement we are expecting. My mother-in-law says we are having a boy, I guess we'll see.
UPDATE: Well "little bean" didn't stick, I was very upset but can't help but see Ava as more of a miracle than I already thought. The hardest part of all of this, is my brother's wife will be expecting around the same time. I wish them nothing but the best but inevitably it will be a reminder of what we lost. We are trying again as I have the ovaries of a 45 year old so our chances of pregnancy as well as a viable one are slimming very quickly. Damn PCOS!

If you don't like hearing the word ovary don't read!

2007-06-25T06:56:00.004-04:00

I think I have a few minutes while Ava entertains herself in her Winnie the Pooh walker and watches Baby Einstein. That is probably very poor parenting but she's enjoying herself so whatever.

Ava is doing great she is about 14 lbs and growing, she rolls from front to back and back to front and can sit for a few seconds unassisted. Her favorite toy is the white crinkly wrapper from a package of saltines. Yeah I know very bad parenting. I love my new job as mommy.

OK here is the bad news, I became really ill after Ava was born. It really got the worst when I tried to go back to work. For those who don't know I have a condition called PCOS(Polly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) which sounds like it would be simply an ovarian thing right, very wrong. Well the symptoms really vary from one preson to the next if you have a mild case usually there aren't many symptoms other than ovarian ones. Well lucky me I have the severe kind here is a list of my symptoms, warning I am baring some rather embarrassing things here...

Extreme weight gain and it's almost impossible to lose without medication (I will go into detail further down)
excessive hair in odd places
infertilty
major hormone imbalances that caused anxiety attacks, extreme sweating and major depression/bordering on suicidal
Pseudo Tumor Ceribri( a very interesting condition where your cerebral spinal sac-the sac around your brain and spinal chord- doesn't drain the fluid off of your brain but continues to produce the fluid thus causing extreme pressure in the brain and on the optic nerve, to releive the pressure numerous spinal taps are required) sounds like fun huh? Oh yeah and I have the occassional siezure.
Insulin Resistance-(from Wikipedia)Insulin resistance is the condition in which normal amounts of insulin are inadequate to produce a normal insulin response from fat, muscle and liver cells. Insulin resistance in fat cells results in hydrolysis of stored triglycerides, which elevates free fatty acids in the blood plasma. Insulin resistance in muscle reduces glucose uptake whereas insulin resistance in liver reduces glucose storage, with both effects serving to elevate blood glucose. High plasma levels of insulin and glucose due to insulin resistance often lead to metabolic syndrome and type 2 diabetes. In other words it makes you fat!

Then there was light I had been told I had this for years but either they didn't know how to treat it or they just didn't care to tell me but finally I found a Dr. that helped me. I was started on a glucose medication called Metformin ER just Met to my PCOS friends, I went on Atkins and started exercising. Talk about a 360, I lost extreme weight 115lbs to be exact, This medication was a miracle for me and everybody who cared about me. Besides the weight my mental health increased exponentially. Well anyways after fertilty treatments and a devistating miscarriage. We have our little one.

Now fast forward to right before Ava's birth. It seems so simple, I got a refill prescription for my Met, but somewhere someone didn't pay attention to what they were doing and I was given metformin as apposed to metformin ER, who would have thought there would be such a difference well there was. I started having trouble after Ava was born but I chalked it up to post pregnancy hormones there were quite a few different signs for one thing I had a heck of a time keeping my milk supply up(very typical of PCOS), I couldn't lose any weight even though I was nursing and even though I was walking 3 miles a day 6 days a week I would lose 6lbs then gain it right back and the Depression/Anxiety attacks came back full force as well as seizures.
When Ava was about 4 months something clicked, the details are long and pointless but my medicine was finally figured out and things are finally moving in the right direction. I'm finally feeling better and I've lost 10 of the 40 lbs I gained and I'm not gaining it back yeah!

Well I have to leave off here mommyhood is calling well screaming! I love you all.

"Breast Pumps Suck", pardon the pun.

2007-03-06T06:43:00.002-05:00

My sweet little one will be 6 weeks tomorrow and I can't beleive it. I always thought it was stupid when my mom said "it just seems like yesterday...", now I understand.

Being the eu natural person that I am(also meaning CHEAP), I am doing the breast feeding bit. Here is just a few random thoughts on the matter~OW!, 40Ewhat!?, Nipple Confusion for the little one, ie. that ain't no booby, I want booby!

I have returned to work and I am still trying to figure how women do it. I am now on my third pump, my cousin gave me a Medela 1 side pump, that was greatly appreciated but it was taking 45minutes to pump both sides and it was a tad loud for a Spa. So ebay here we came, and we found a "quiet" double pump, for anybody out there don't waste your money on the Bailey Nurture III, unless you're buying it from me on Ebay. It was like a science project gone bad. I did however finally find a good one, drumroll... the cheap one from Target made by The First Years, what a life saver.

Even with all of that I could'nt seem to produce enough milk, so we started supplementing with formula, very bad idea, can you say constipation? Yeah and let me tell ya no baby is cute when they are constipated. Thank God for the internet, with a little research I found an herbal remedy, Fenugreek. They said you know you are taking enough when you smell like Maple Syrup, How weird right? Well it works I smell like Maple Syrup and my shirt was soaking wet this morning YEAH!

Enough about my boobs, well sortof. We have had a breakthrough, she is now taking both boob and bottle and growing by the second, I just need to teach her how to cook. At the last wiegh in which was last monday she was just over 8 lbs, she smiles and coos, when she is not screaming for booby or sleeping.

I had all these great plans to document her milestones but honestly I don't think I have had a moment to sit down and do it, how do all those mothers do it, well gotta go she crying...

Well she is finally here

2007-01-28T11:40:00.009-05:00

and I can sit here at the computer for a little bit. My water broke at 7:00am Tuesday, January 23rd, we took our time but collected everything together and headed to our doctors usually a 45 minute drive. We took our time going up and stopped for gas and breakfast first. We made it to my doctors about 10:00am. After 18 hours of labor she arrived at 12:46am weighing 6lbs8ozs and a healthy 21 inches long. The water birth was amazing...

I can't believe my mom had that shirt on while I was laboring:

Labor begins

2007-01-23T07:18:00.002-05:00

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 7:18AM

Real contractions began last night just about the time of our Doctors appt. By the time Hero's came on (9:00pm they were 6 minutes apart)! I went to bed around 11:00 and slept pretty well until about 4:45am when I had a pretty good one wake me up! Still 6 minutes apart at 6:30 I decided to take a shower when they started coming much closer together, just as I got out of the shower my water broke at 7:00. We are getting ready to leave for Dr. Hayes office in Hendersonville. We are about to meet our little girl.

Still 2cm's

2007-01-16T09:46:00.001-05:00

We went for our weekly checkup yesterday, and unfortunatley there has been no change since last week! The suspence is killing me. When is it going to really start? We will be 39 weeks in 2 days, I should just be thankful we have made it to here, I will keep reminding myself of that!

Any day now!

2007-01-13T09:07:00.002-05:00

Well here we are at almost 39 weeks and I can barely contain myself, it's not that I am anxious to not be pregnant, I am just so ready to hold her and kiss her and show her how much she is wanted, appreciated, and loved!
I have to say I am so extremely blessed right now, I have finally found the perfect job for myself, I really enjoy going to work everyday and I could'nt love the people I work with more. I can honestly say I am going to miss them while on my maternity leave so much so I actually asked to work the week after my maternity leave started. However at Tim's request, Yesterday will probably be my last day as I have now been dilated to 2cm since monday and it can't be too much longer now, can it?
So for now I guess we just keep waiting........................

Food Poisoning at 8 months, not recommended!

2006-11-27T07:23:00.000-05:00

I have to admit I have gotten very lazy recently when it comes to my nutrition. That said Saturday after work, Tim and I had Taco Bell for dinner, nothing tasted off but, around 4:00 Sunday morning things went very wrong. I was extremely ill, every 45 minutes. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water, when I was still getting sick every 45 minutes at 10:00 6 hours later Tim decided we should go to the Hospital.
It was a good thing we did because I had become extremely dehydrated and had begun contracting. As far as Ava goes she had a healthy heartbeat and seemed to be doing fine, So after 3 bags of fluid and sugars as well as two injections of anti-nausea medication, which I was told was extremely expensive, we were discharged. My face is blown up like a puffer fish and bruised and everything bone, joint and muscle in my body hurts, but Ava is still active so I will take all that.
I felt a little queasy this morning and was almost afraid I had gone to the hospital for morning sickness, and that this was going to be something that I was just somehow going to have to manage, but it passesd within seconds and I was reassured that Taco Bell is just dangerous at least the one on whitehorse is.

30 weeks and 10 to go

2006-11-16T11:46:00.001-05:00

The nursury is slowly coming together, and we are even more excited and nervous! I have been experiencing some rather ugly cramps now for the past week, I was told at my last appt. on Monday that they are Braxton Hicks contractions, well Braxton can have them back because I don't want em! I guess that means we are almost there.
As far as we know everything is well. It has to be, because at this point I don't think I could handle anything happening to her. I am so completely in love with her! I dreamt about her last night and I didn't want to wake up. Just the thought of holding her in my arms brings me to tears. OK, I'm done gushing!

I love you BABY AVA!

A Bottle of Glucose

2006-10-30T17:57:00.000-05:00

Today was my 27/28 week checkup, including a glucose test, and drum roll....my medicine is working just fine. My blood glucose level needed to be below 130 it was 110, yeah! I have gained way more than I would like to mention right now, but I am going to resume my walking now that my doctor has OK'ed it, I've got to get into shape for this big event.

Leg Cramps, Pee, My FRICKIN Toe!, & AMAZING THINGS!

2006-10-26T08:40:00.001-04:00

Above anything I'm about to say, I am exploding with joy and happiness to be PREGNANT!
Now I'd like to say since I weighed at one point in time over 300 lbs most of the things pregnant women complain about, as far as stratch marks and achy joints, I experienced for years 5 times worse. So far this pregnancy thing has'nt been so bad, yeah I gained some weight uh about 1/10 of what I had lost, no biggie pardon the pun. Some back pain here and there but really much less than when I was larger.
With all that said, these past two weeks have been completely different, I finally feel more pregnant than fat. I have lost all sense of balance and completely jacked my big toe and toe nail, the details are too gruesome to share, other than It has now healed twice, just in time for me to stub it and tear it completely open again. I told you ewey gooey.
Then as of last night I'm convinced my bladder has shrunk I woke up Five times to pee cracking my toe on the wall in one effort to make it to the toilet before I wet myself(sorry I spoke of this cursed toe again). Then when I wasn't being awoken by my screaming bladder My calves decided to take turns spasming alternating about every 45 minutes.
I jokingly complain but something also happened last night that was really cool and I'm sure soon will become not so cool... For the first time I was woken up by her! Really, I mean she was bouncing from one side of my stomache to the other, unfortuneately that was followed by a half sleep state walk to the kitchen where I proceeded to eat cuccumber salad and a spoonfull of peanut butter at 12:30 in the morning. I AM DEFINATELY PREGNANT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

Check out this video Timmee made for me

2006-10-23T13:10:00.004-04:00

It's so sweet, he's been playing on the computer while I was at work...

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=3193790

6months/24weeks and coming up on October 17th

2006-10-05T08:26:00.002-04:00

Well here we are at 6 months and I'm somewhat in disbeleif. So much so, that I am extremely paranoid. Last night at work I squatted to do something, which I won't do again by the way, and I had a little "accident". Well I didn't know for sure it was an "accident", so being an over-protective mother-to-be I called my doctor. I'm really lucky to have a doctor who is extremely accessible to me and I was on the phone with him within minutes. I decided at that point in time I didn't want to go running to the hospital because I have a weak bladder. So he told me to meet him at his office in the morning(this morning) just to reassure me.

I'm glad to say every thing is fine she just finds my bladder to be very cushiony and she's getting bigger, Depends here I come! On the up side I got to see her in the ultrasound again, and she is still a she. We still go back to the Drs on Oct. 23rd. I'm going to try to leave my doctor alone until at least then, not that he makes me feel bad in fact he encourages me to call with any concerns no matter how small. Thank God we found this guy, even though it was in the midst of such a sad time, during our first pregnancy.

I am extremely excited at this time but we are also coming up on October 17th. For most people this day will come and go, unless there is something special like an anniversary or a birthday. However we will be in a quiet mourning for our little ones who were originally to be with us at this time. I know they were only 10 weeks in the making but they were already imbedded in our hearts. Maybe that is the reason for my uneasiness right now.

I know I am blessed at this time and I won't complain as I heard so often in that time that it was meant to be, and maybe it was, but then that means my tears were meant to be and so is the love and longing that I feel for them. So if you would on October 17th please think of Tim, I, and our little ones that would have been here with us. As well as Ava while we wait for her.

Almost 23 weeks

2006-09-26T00:43:00.000-04:00

Well we are 22 1/2(5.5 months) along now, and so far so good. I got a little paranoid at 21 weeks because I wasn't feeling her as much I had previously, but after wonderful care and an ultrasound it became apparent that she had just gotten to big for all those flips.
I've grown some more in the middle and I can feel her again, and I love it. After our regular monthly visit with the Dr. today I'm a little confused as to where our child will be born, I'm not even sure what state. We live in Northern South Carolina, my parents and my Dr. are in southern North Carolina. My choices are at a hospital close to my parents or a home water birth at my parents. I'm leaning towards a water birth at home.
This picture was taken my first day at work lucky for me we have to wear black, it's very flattering. Although as of today I actually lost 4lbs since my last monthly Dr.'s appointment, how does that happen? Beleive me I'm not complaining, but is that normal at five months?
We go back October 23rd for our last monthly appt. after which we will be going every other week. I put off registering for baby stuff because it was so hard to believe this is finally happening, but I took a leap of faith and opened a registry at Target. It was like opening a can of worms now I can't stop looking at all the cute stuff. I'm sure I registered for all the wrong things so if anyone wants to give me some suggestions I will gladly take them.
We love you all, Please take care!

Halfway There

2006-09-08T09:57:00.003-04:00

Well we made it 5mo. and I'm am finally gaining weight. A little too much weight, only 10lbs, but I'm only suppose to gain 15 all together, as I am a "big girl"! She moves quit a bit, although I havn't gotten quite a full kick yet. Tim did feel her squirm a bit the other night, which we were kindof surprised by. Nothing fits anymore, so I went shopping with mom for some real maternity pants. Now I have a pair of pants that are really big in the belly, my mom convinced me I would grow into them. In the mean time I have to hold them up or stick out my stomache for them to fit. As Seen in this Pic...

I'll be putting more pictures of my growing belly up, especially since this time it's expanding for a good reason, and I LOVE IT! This is my belly at 5 months...

She's a She

2006-08-30T18:41:00.003-04:00

Well, it looks like a little girl. If you know what i'm talking about she had a hamburger, not a turtle. According to all the measurements taken all is well and developing normally. After 6 years of trying I was starting to have my worries, but I have found God has his own plans, with a little help from fertility drugs. Thank you to everyone for all of your prayers and thoughts. I have no doubt, that it has helped us get this far. One more week and we'll be 5 months, and I think I'm starting to look a little more pregnant and a little less like I've been eating to much, which I have, but I can't help it she makes me really hungry.
I also must announce she has made her presence known in my belly as well, I started having some feelings of movement at about 18 weeks. She is now doing full blown flips and somersaults, and it's a very strange, but amazing feeling. Not only do I feel this, but we could actually see her doing this at the last ultrasound. We're going to have a gymnast on our hands for sure. Well we must sign off for now, I hope you all are enjoying these little updates.